Last night I couldn’t fall asleep, so I stayed up listening to slam poetry until after 4am, making this morning sluggish. After some slow movement, coffee, and TEDTalks, I made it out for an afternoon long run in the welcomed 50 degree temperatures (sporting capris and short sleeves, mind you). The 12.8 miles made for my longest in a while and left my legs’ fatigue on par with my body’s. Unfortunately my mind hasn’t joined the camp just yet.
I crossed another film off our list with Annie Hall tonight while burning a memory-infused candle scent. Maybe it’s just reflective of where I am now, but the last lines resonated with me:
It was great seeing Annie again. I realized what a terrific person she was and how fun it was just knowing her. And I thought of that old joke, you know. The guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken.” and the doctor says, “well, why don’t you turn him in?” and the guy says, “I would, but o need the eggs.”
Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships. You know, they’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd and, but, err, I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.
The day itself was pretty great too. Today I put on my pencil skirt and blazer and took hold of the day. I had an interview this afternoon that, for the first time, I really feel like I nailed it, and the job is organized around doing good and helping community members, so I am really hoping they call me. I know I could be successful in the position.
After a croissant and coffee for a post-interview decompression, I ran a few errands, making an impulse decision to trade in a ring from an ex for something fresh. It’s being sized, and I’ll have it next week. It feels good.
Nikki and I reconvened tonight for another round of conversation. Spending time with her is always welcomed.
So I went ahead with my Pete Eckert inspired shoot tonight. Obviously the self-portrait version differs from the blind portrait one, but it was something to try.
I caught up with my favorite dental hygienist while she cleaned my teeth this morning, enjoyed that post-dentist feel for my run and spent the rest of the day with my grandma. My hygienist gave me some new perspectives to consider for a lot of my current life conditions, which makes me appreciate our relationship.
When I couldn’t sleep last night, I watched a documentary about blind photographers. The one did a lot of work with light painting, so when I was thinking about his work and driving, I was prompted to pull over and shoot at an intersection. He did mainly nude portrait work, and it was beautiful to watch him work with his model, speaking to her body to determine his proximity to her curves. Maybe I’ll do some self portrait experimentation tomorrow, employing his mood.
Tomorrow I have a job interview in the afternoon, and then I think I’m going to camp out downtown and do something that makes me feel happy.
I thought this sign was rather comical when I ran past it yesterday, so I pulled over to snap a photo when I drove by today.
My grandma was really happy to see me today, which felt so good. Even when I stayed with her all day, she was still sad to see me go and already looking forward to another visit tomorrow. Being loved, wanted… damn that goes a long way.
As for the place I left Grandma’s for, I cannot say as much. Only a few more days, and then it’s good bye.
I leave you with Robert Frost and a poem that suits my feelings and the photo:
Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast In a field I looked into going past, And the ground almost covered smooth in snow, But a few weeds and stubble showing last.
The woods around it have it—it is theirs. All animals are smothered in their lairs. I am too absent-spirited to count; The loneliness includes me unawares.
And lonely as it is, that loneliness Will be more lonely ere it will be less - A blanker whiteness of benighted snow With no expression, nothing to express.
They cannot scare me with their empty spaces Between stars—on stars where no human race is. I have it in me so much nearer home To scare myself with my own desert places.
8.2 miles to start and more than 8 hours of conversation with Nikki Dearest to round out this Tuesday made for a really good day, which explains the unusual self portrait with a smile. The picture looks really foreign me, and I don’t particularly like it, but I’m feeling good, refreshed. And the last time I spent that many hours in a Starbucks, I am pretty certain I was writing an analysis of a Holocaust memoir, so I daresay that today’s Starbucks session contained loads more emotional joy.
Tomorrow I finally see my grandma and deal with a job interview that may try to keep me here over another week. Yikes.
It’s easy to get used to the views both in and outside of this house.
My legs ran their first track workout since last spring today, pounding out a steady 8x800. It felt good to wear shorts and a sports bra and let my body feel my run. I felt very efficient with my improved core and upper body, and hitting my 800s every time didn’t hurt my good feelings either.
After some post-workout bagels and coffee, Jacob and I said our “see you soons,” and I left to drop off my painting with a friend before arriving at my mom’s. It’s crumby here, but I’m feeling pretty good from the weekend, so I know I’m going to be ok.
In spite of the frigid temperatures, Jacob had a lacrosse game today. The last time I saw him play, I’m pretty certain I was in shorts, which was a world different than my layers of wool and numb extremities today, but I couldn’t have thought of a better way to spend a few hours of my day. I really love watching him play.
SU’s track team had Conference Championships for indoor season today too, so I spent some time in the field house to cheer on my old teammates.
This visit was a good decision. I’m working on feeling happy.
A head hunter from DC called me today to let me know she was impressed by my resume and will give me a call when one of the companies with which she works is looking for someone like me. It was an exciting call to receive.
With the wind it was something like -9 today, so I kept my fresh air to a sad minimum and worked out indoors.
I stumbled across Portlandia on tv tonight, which is a great surprise.